the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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