is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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