I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I love having hate sex.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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