The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
