I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
