I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
