My cat gives me a boner
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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