I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
