If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
