OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
