just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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