He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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