I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
