Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
