can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
