I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
