I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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