My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
