margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
