I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
