you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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