my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
