yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
