mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
