I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
