i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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