I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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