I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
