am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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