I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
