I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
