tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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