talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
