His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
