You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
