my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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