How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
