yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
did i walk over a car last night?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
