I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
