P.S. I can't hear my feet
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
