I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
