I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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