I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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