is wine microwaveable?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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