You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
