I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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