I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
