and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
