so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
