How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
