I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
