Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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