I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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