I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
