this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
