There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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