and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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