yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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