Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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