well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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