we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
